Why Not Love The One You're With
A Guest Post by Scott Pogue
For many, dating and marriage are things that are entered into and left behind with reckless abandon.
People try to form relationships solely on the basis of physical attraction and passion. Those things are good to have in a relationship, but on their own leave people in shallow relationships with no real connection to the one they “love."
It's very common for people that are dating or even married to lose the desire to stay in a relationship when that relationship has no real basis. Many people seem to have the idea, though, that just because there is no solid connection in the relationship, that all is lost.
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Quite the contrary, any relationship can be salvaged with some work. If you want to salvage your relationship, building friendship is the first step. Without it a relationship cannot have any true substance.
I'm not saying to turn your relationship platonic. The point is not to let go of what you have, but to add more substance to it. Work to develop friendship with the one you love and you will build a stronger love, and a deeper commitment to that person.
Another important thing is to change your focus. It is often the case with hastily developed relationships that each person is focusing on what he or she can get from the other person, rather than what can be given. If your focus is on yourself, your relationship is doomed to fail. By putting the one you love before yourself, you will intensify feelings of appreciation and caring for each other.
It is always a good thing to work at developing mutual interests. Show interest in the things the other likes. You never know, you may discover that you really enjoy things the other is interested in. At the very least, it will help you get to know the other better.
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Showing respect for the other is extremely important. You can do this in several ways. Listen to the other's thoughts and feelings. Speak kindly. Harsh words and destructive criticism will not help your relationship (even when meant well), and may well hasten an end to it. Speaking kindly shows both that you have respect for, and care about the feelings of the other.
Asking, when you would like the other to do something rather than demanding, will go a long way toward getting the results you would like. Graciously accepting the answer when you are told no, will also help to avoid hurt feelings.
Although this advice seems like a no-brainer, many relationships fail, because people do not do these simple things. It may take a little work, but following these suggestions can make a big difference in the quality of your relationship. You can make your relationship into a wonderful thing.
Before you breakup or even consider divorce, remember that a new relationship will be just as much work, if not more.
Why not love the one you're with? Thoughts? Comments?
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